I wrote a letter to my dad. It was my homework to write a letter to him. It took me a while to get ready to write to him since I haven't seen him since I was 6 or 7. I don't really remember him or his face.
My image of my dad is somewhat a mixture of three men: Mikami, Aoki, and Araki. They are all my climbing mates: one was my guide, another was my mentor, and the last was my partner.
All of my therapists wondered why I climbed with such people, who seem obvious to avoid if you are a wise climber. Now I realize why: I wanted to know my biological dad without actually seeing him, so I wouldn't get heartbroken again. My dad had already hurt me once, and going near him again would be a bad move. But I really wanted to know why he had to abandon us, his three kids.
Sadly, I found out that there was no reason except for his irresponsibility and narcissism. My dad just wanted a beautiful woman, my mom, as his trophy, and wanted to use her as he wished, with zero responsibility on his side. So my mom was trapped.
I found out these facts by actually learning from life, observing people in similar situations as my dad. Mikami had six kids and still blamed his wife for having them. What a fool for not avoiding pregnancy. Maybe once or twice could be an accident, but six times? He was just a fool.
Aoki was my climbing mentor and was so proud of his ice climbing. But I was rapidly getting better by the end of our partnership, and he did not like the fact that I surpassed him. This made me realize something was wrong. Every climbing mentor should be happy if his apprentice becomes a better climber than him. He was not. So he climbed with me only because it was his only choice.
The last was my ex-climbing partner. He was so stupid that he couldn't even count 25 plus 35—basic math. He still thinks that climbing is his success, too dumb to know what good climbing is. Moreover, he announced how dumb he is to the entire climbing community by putting up a record of Sawanobori in Kurosukeote using aid climbing in the 2020s. It's been 40 years since free climbing became the norm, not aid climbing. Writing a record in aid is a thing of the past, unless it is something much greater than today's top climbs, like Shomyo Falls. This illustrated how stupid he is and how beginner climbers had lost the minimum intelligence of knowing today's climb.
In the end, I unconsciously wanted to do my research on my biological dad by observing someone else who seemed similar to him. That's why I went so close to such dangerous people, risking my life.
