My trauma at age 2
My trauma at age 2 has came back suddenly in my climbing with a narcissistic climbing partner at a climb called "Hakua slab" and I am thinking of it...
The emotion I had felt then had been repressed deeply inside of my muscle memory and it was triggered by the climbing...
that must be happening to me to remind me of something important because all trauma incident were "a lesson learnt" and it happens to remind you of something important...
Sad thing is that you are likely to repeat the same reactions again, I did so too, that was to freeze... but this time, I am thinking of it with my language and reasons... so my emotion can be described...
The emotion I felt at age 2 was "I believed you dad and you betrayed me"
and
The emotion I felt at the climbing was "I trusted you as a lead climber and you betrayed me".
Betrayal is the deepest root cause of my suffering...
I was betrayed by men at age 2 and again it is happened. Now, I can explain this way and my therapist acknowledges this is the cause that I hate men, but one bad man in my life caused entire male hatred is over reaction.
So I now must know, what men are safe and what men are not.
I need to relearn how to trust male again and feel safe again.
2歳の時のトラウマ
それがナルシストなクライミング・パートナーとのクライミングで突然、蘇った。
2歳児には、言語はまだない。だから、イメージによる想起でしか、記憶を呼び起こすことはできない。
2歳で感じた感情は、私の筋肉の記憶の奥深くに抑圧されていたのだが、それがクライミングによって、引き起こされたのだ...。
トラウマは、すべて「教訓」であり、何か大切なことを思い出させるために起こるに違いない...。
悲しいことに、あなたはまた同じような反応を繰り返す可能性がある。
2歳の時に感じた感情は、"お父さん、信じていたのに、裏切られた"
そして
クライミングで感じた感情は「リードクライマーとして信頼していたのに裏切られた」。
裏切りは、私の苦しみの最も深い根源的な原因だ......。
私は2歳の時に男性に裏切られ、そして、再度、裏切られた。