Learning to forgive
It was incredibly hard for me to forgive the climbers who almost killed me because of their ego and ignorance.
It started even before I came to Kyushu, where climbing is 40 year backward compared to Ogawayama, which is considered "The camp4" of Japan. I learned climbing in Kofu (and surrounding areas like Saku, Nagano), where every serious young climber wants to move into. That is considered a climbing mecca.
Then, I came to Kyushu, where aid climbing is still considered the normal alpine rock style. Since there are no high mountains in Kyushu, there is no "real" alpine style, no snow nor ice, only mock climbs, mainly slab climbing like in Hiei, there is no trad crags.
As a result, even alpine climbers don't learn how to set their own protections; they simply follow the preset protections that are over 40 years old cut-anchor and too rustic, even for aid climbing.
So, you can imagine the situation. Trusting the bolts is not recommended, and hanging on the bolts is also risky. This means the only safe climbing option is similar to free soloing. For the safety reason, 5.12 is required to lead a route 5.9.
A man who pulled me down on a wall
When I was a beginner, I used to go to an artificial climbing wall every Wednesday night for about half a year, solely to improve my belay skills, not for my climbing ability. Using the artificial climbing wall was the only way to safely learn how to catch a fall.
Then, there was a climber who pulled me down; he tightened the rope when I needed slack. That climber was from Kyushu. At that time, another climber felt bad for me and offered his belay for me.
Now I think, he was educated in Kyushu, which means there was no proper education on climbing safety.
A man who dropped me at a crag
The second time I was almost killed was back in Kofu, my home crag. I was with this guy for the first time, and he was proud that he climbed as hard as 5.12. I assumed he must be experienced in the industry. The route was familiar, and it was my 4th time leading it, so I didn't wear my helmet, which turned out to be a bad decision.
I set my first draw and then, instead of going left like usual, I decided to try going right, and that's when I fell. I hit the ground and cut my head, resulting in 7 stitches. The photo was taken when I returned home from the hospital.
The belayer was testing his new belay device, a click-up, which was supposed to catch falls without much skill. However, the device failed to work properly or he had just too much slack.
Those two incidents didn't break my heart but at least made me more careful and doubtful. It's not that I can't forgive those guys, but there are some things I just can't forget. This guy was also from Kyusyu.
What I could not forgive… An egoist
Then I came to Kyushu, where climbing is so backward. In my first year, I went back to Ogawayama to climb because I had no climbing partner here, so I didn't fully understand how dangerous the crags (and climbers) are in Kyushu.
In 2019, I climbed with my new mentor, a 74-year-old well-known old-school developer climber whom I had admired as a reader. He had a book. It was a delight to meet him in person, and he told me he still taught climbing to university students in the club.
I felt bad for him and offered my assistance. We went to Kagoshima one day, and before I even started climbing, I injured my right calf due to five hours of driving alone. Normally, climbers take turns driving to distant crags, but this time I drove all the way while he only sat there. I didn't mind.
What was not okay was his response when I told him about my injury: "That is not what I want." He didn't offer any help or even acknowledged my pain. So, I took him to a hostel so he won't be lost in some countryside and told him I was driving back home to Fukuoka to see a doctor, a full five hours alone. It was already two days after the incident and the pain was unbearable. So it took me 3 days to get medical attention for my injury.
This incident caused me a serious mental damage. I was very sad that my good intentions had turned into such a nightmare. I tried so hard to convince myself that it was due to his age, not his personality, nor intention, but my efforts were meaningless. He was also unkind to his wife.
People's true personalities show when bad things happen. That is when you know who is your enemy and who is your friend. To accept this reality took me a long time.
The second heartbreak; a narcistThe second incident was during
the "Hakua Slab" climb in 2019, just before I go to Long Dong. My ex-partner, whom I had known since I was a total beginner, didn't seem to understand the importance of safety... I had been with him only a few times back in Kofu, before I came to Kyusyu, mainly I was trying to include him to my climbing mates since I was with good people with experience and rescue knowledges. My intention was so he can learn from them. I paid to gain my skills in the mountain in Nagano, taking a year long course, which is not for everyone...there is a screening to join, so I wanted to share.
He was the kind of person who was happy to be called the man closest to heaven, which is NOT a compliment in climbing, obviously; it's a warning for other climbers to stay away. So I was kind of sorry to him. Must be having a hard time finding a partner.
During the Hakua Slab multipitch climb, he connected pitch 4 and 5, which was obviously the rope is going to be short because we were climbing 25m and 35m with 50m single.
As a result, we had to hang on just one bolt, which was a notorious cut-anchor(then we did not know. We were too new) and the cut anchor is known to have a strength less than a No2 Camelot cam for protection. I did not think he was going to use a bolt because we got some sets of cams. Not just connecting the pitches, in the previous pitch, the rope was not up because he placed a cam to a wrong place, so the rope get stuck, so I had to self-arrest while climbing as a second. This kind of bad lead will never happened when I was climbing with my climbing mentor.
Also, going back to the ground was impossible since rappelling requires double the rope length, but we had only one 50m single rope. Looking back, it was insane to attempt a multipitch climb with just one rope, but I did not realized it before the climb since I was attached to him already and was OK in the crags so trusted him since we had been climbing together for about half a year.
In Japan the senior climber in a party decides things, and the one who climb better grade is the senior. So in retrospect he did not listen to my advice who climbs 5.1XX.. then since he climbs 5.12xx. Not just me, no girl can make him listen nor any experienced climber.
This climb left a deep scar in my heart, as I trusted him so naively and he endangered myself and himself, just to show off his climbing skills.
All he wanted was an honor. Such a sad person...
The conclusion
In both cases, my good intentions were met with disappointment.
These incidents left me depressed for a long time, I actually was seeing a doctor last year of this season, and I also suffered a knee injury, dislocated my right knee, that took almost three years to heal. I guess I didn't want to climb with those people so much that my emotions turned into physical injury, and I lost interest in climbing altogether. I don't think climbing worth my life.
I was scared that their personality immaturity would lead them to ask me to belay them again(they actually did), putting me in a difficult position to turn down their requests because they don't understand what they did wrong — ignoring an injured partner is bad behavior and a lack of rope planning is such an armature mind, which almost killed me; the both are not a small mistake nor inevitable mistake. It's more like their choice.
Moreover, they are not capable of acknowledging their mistakes, because that is who they are, their personal values... your ego is heavier than a injured partner, and your honor of climbing Hakua slab with 50m single is more important than safety... which means there's no hope for correction.
The Hakua Slab experience only boosted his confidence instead of teaching him a lesson. There were signs of this before, like when his 3 cams popped out during a fall, but he didn't learn from it; it only made him more confident.
I felt alone in this situation. My husband does not climb so he is no way of knowing my suffering. The people in Kyusyu is the same tribe as who gave me this pain.
So no one seemed to understand the gravity of these incidents to me in Kyushu. Everyone was on their side, lacking compassion for me. In fact, they kept calling me a chicken only because I refused to take unnecessary risks, like falling on 40-year-old cut anchors or on the first pin.
I concentrated on letting out my emotions in my blog to stay sane, but the more I wrote, the more I realized the darkness in their minds, not mine.
Actually I felt I am pretty good climber with proper education and risk sense. They are the odd ball not me.
Wise people stay away from bad people
For the climbers in Kyusyu, it is natural for them to fall easily on 40 year old cut anchor just because everyone else does it.
But that is against what I was told... when in doubt, take No3 (the third point to the anchor) and never do easy fall unless you have taken 3 quick draws was my education. Never lend your rope. Never let go of your break hand, test your protection before you put your weight on it.... those teaching has never convinces Kyusyu's climbers. They insisted it was safe with them, but it was hard to be convinced, unless you were a fool.
See these photo of removed bolts.
There won't be a second time of dropping me on the ground due to the lack of attention.
There won't be a second time of him going to a multi-pitch climb with me, even with two ropes.
Because they will never learned from the experiences. That's their values and personality. The climbing community shares the same values in Kyusyu. The safe climbing is considered chickened climbing for them. Who is going to do it?
Everyone avoids confronting the outdated culture out of fear of being called a chicken from the community
So it was very hard to face the fact that they will never change and there is no way of climbing in Kyusyu... unless I bent my value... accept how they are... which means almost offering my life... which no one can and should.
So this is why I am so into climbing education now... Japanese guys are the people who did Kamikaze, out of fear of being called a traitor in WW2, guess how hard it was to change their perspective... sort of brain washed.
There is actually the similar mentality in Kyusyu's Hiei slab climbing... notorious huge runout routes in granite slab, their bolting policy was, 1 bolt for 50m climb of UIAA 3rd, 2 bolts for 4th, 3 bolts for 5th. Kamikaze was implied when I heard about this bolting policy from Misawa the developer climber in Hiei.
More importantly, this policy reflects nothing on the climbing situation. Climbing is much more sensitive. You need a protection before the crux no matter what grade.
There is no decimal grade when they were climbing, so all of 5.2 to 5.12 or over are in the same 5th category... so it is about 12.5m apart... that must be a very bold climber to climb!
So the mixture of the pride and ego, it's hard to change their mind even today, when a regular guy can climb up to 5.12 normally. And the worship of boldness as a male is the source of their pride so I feel kind of sorry now to them. Because in this way, I imagine climbing has never been much fun to them.
Now, so this is the explanation of why I am not climbing in Kyusyu.
I will be very happy to climb with safety oriented climber partner in safe crag such as Laos and Long Dong in Taiwan. I actually plan to go Laos when my ankle is cured.
I had an operation(surgery) on March 1st and it is my full 4 months now on rehabilitation. Fighting alone to cure. I was hospitalized one week and learned a lot.
I am the midst of my rehabilitation now and happy to be so... I have something more important than just climbing... I know now climbing is not what I want to put my life onto... I want my life to be more meaningful.
I am more into creating a new world that everyone can enjoy their lives without endangering the others life nor the mother nature.
