Stability of the mind
I recently feel so much better than before... since I had a visit of my English speaking friend. He mentally stabilized me. What he did? He had just listened to me. Also he talked his own problem too.
I know this feeling... it was Saori, she was my high school best friend. We spend our high school like like twins... she hid me at her home since her parents come home late, running a noodle restaurant.
My mom and my younger brother was abusive to me, thinking I should do all the house chore and called me "selfish" instead of splitting the chore with household members. I was taking care of the house and fixing food for everyone since I was 8. That was a decision, called a infant decision in a phycology. I look at the situation, and mom is incapable, my siblings are incapable, I was only 8 but I was the only one who's possible... so I took the roll.
But when I was 15, high school age, I decided, no more. Because my younger brother was old enough, he was 13. My younger sister was 11. I waited for them extra 5 years compared to me.
I realize now, in climbing again, same thing had happened. Reverse responsibility.
They call you "It is your own responsibility" when it is not. Bad bolts are not your responsibility and not being taught is not your responsibility.
They use this word to get more benefit from me and try to use me as their benefit, when it is only their selfishness not mine.
Switching who's selfish and making me confused and freaked is called "Gas lighting" in phycology... it's a mental manipulation of others, and I was almost being used by my own mother and own siblings as a mean to make then alive.
So this time, it was really hard to get over, since back then, I had Saori, but this time, someone I should be able to rely on... my husband became my enemy, not a friend.
So my friend came over, he had no idea what so ever about climbing, and I told him what happened to my husband and me and with his reason, i.e. rational thinking, the situation seem as same as I saw, so I can trust my point of view... My strongest traits is my adult ego, i.e. rationality, and if I had to doubt that... my intelligence and rationality, I feel very weak.
Anyway, there is another term for this DARVO... Darvo is a short for
Denial, Attack, Reverse, Victim Offender.
This is exactly what had happened. This is keep appearing to me.
When I was 15, Saori helped me to stay sane.
Now, my friend is there.