■ Shocking! a book called "The Toxic Mother"
I picked up this book, thinking that maybe my mother was a narcissist....................................shocking revelation....
Read it. Then...I found out.
My mother was a typical "narcissistic mother".
■ Free climbing is so unforgiving.
My mental resistance to step toward free climbing... was because I knew I would be told, "5.9? Climb 5.10. 5.10? Climb 5.11!" it is endless... you are never be enough.
I started climbing when I was 41 years old, and it seems like a great accomplishment to be able to onsight a 5.9 at 43, did a second climber in Insbon at 46, go climb alone in Laos, so does in trad in Taiwan? Doesn't it?
I can also lead climb ice 5th about 20 to 30 m. If second, 55m X 3 times was easy job.
Do you still say, "Push your limit" to a lady who's going on late middle age?
The free climbing world, currently going on, will not forgive you for that.
You know, people can not grow endlessly, that is a myth. We are human.
So, in my mind, I've already climbed one 11 onsight (so I have already reached my goal), and I don't see the point of going any higher in grade, by reducing finger skin, weight loss strategy, or strength training in the first place....
You have to have bent fingers if you are climber, prove it!!
That's is the nasty challenge the climbing world confronts to you. That is a threat.
As a result, so many people are mentally ill..
When I was climbing 5.9, people who were climbing 10c was super bossy, with her onsight theory, but when I started to climb 10c, I was even not allowed to loosen the reins... not just that, people asking me taking a leadership for the crag...
They are shifting their responsibility to me. Because they think I am easy target.
Isn't this "endless striving" feeling the same as in the days of studying for entrance examinations?
So everybody is a looser. No one really feel the feelings of accomplishment they deserve.
If I were a teenage competition climber, even I'd say, "Why don't you work harder while you still can? "
But that is because so you can climb in old age.
I don't think I would be aiming to win a competition at the age of 41....
I don't think it's such a bad result to be 5th in the Iwane ice competition, which I only participated in because I wanted to see if I could make it out.
I didn't understand why you wanted to involve me, a slowest starter, in such a silly competition... Tell me when you are at the top...
Adult climbing is self-satisfying from the start.
Not number one, nor only one.
■ Thanks to my narcissistic partner
I noticed my mother's narcissism because I worked with a partner who was highly narcissistic and I saw similarities in their behavioral patterns...
Huh? This person is just like my mother...? This was the event that happened....
So, it's the same as saying that I appreciate illness and injury. It means that they are there to make me aware.
This book sums it up and makes sense.