Good by 2018

■　さようなら2018　

昨日はあれやこれやと将来のクライミングを考えようとしていたのだが、結論が出ず、挫折。思考ツール…マインドマップのような…も使ってみたが、上手く行かず。自分の気持ちを知りたいというような瞑想系は、論理思考では解決不能だと理解。

I had been mind mapping all-day yesterday,  trying to come up with the idea. What I am going to do with my life and climbing?

So far, so many blessings are given to my climbing career, 40 tours 55 days in a year,  but on the contrary, I am not getting enough luck on my jobs and career... 

Literary speaking, my life goes around climbing all day, and every day. It seems a bit outrageous. 

クライミングが遠くなった2017年…師匠が遠方にいるにも関わらず、手助けしてなんとか登らせてくれた。クライミングが減った分、マイソールは上達した。仕事は、色々と思うようにならない年だった。

2018年は一つの大きな幸運に支えられ、クライミング活動が復活した。年間40山行。5５日だった。これはアイスと山を含まないので、入れるともっと増えると思う。６０日程度だろう。１３０日をピークとして、半減のところまで回復した。

In retrospect, 2018's climbing owes to my partner who moved in Kyusyu Island as if he came to rescue me from lack of climbing partners. Big Thanks to him.

2018年のクライミングはラオスでの一週間で幕を開け、韓国でのアイスで花咲いた。

The effect of Laos climbing to me was massive... I was so free and enjoyed so much and as a result my grade got so much better.

On the contrary, domestic climbing is like a training for me, putting up... I always feel somehow I must be better, sooner, not enough. The more and more. So the massage I am getting is "you are not enough", the pressure.  

My wish is to became free from the pressure.  I am feeling the pressure in domestic climbing. I don't know why but I somehow became so free outside of Japan, socially and climbing-wise.

インスピレーションにより、台湾のクライミングに行くことができ、クライミングというか、クライミングを支える最大の保証である、アンカーに対する理解が深まった。アンカーこそがクライミングの命を守る砦だと理解。

Going to Long Dong in Taiwan was an inspiration. I learned about climbing Anchors and the safety in climbing is hugely on secure bolts.  I was horrified that I was so naive to easily trust bolts in my past climbing... I was only lucky that the bolts caught my falls. I really do know now.

それに伴い、スタイルの良しあしについて、歴史的変遷について、と理解が深まった。

Along with that understandings on safety on bolts, I read and studied about "style" in climbing, games climbers play has been developing according to the level of risk that we take... it trades off, i.e. if safety increases difficulty decrease, difficulty increases the safety decreases.  So there is no safe and fun climbing no matter what... we forever seek the less safe more difficult climbs. 

The endlessness made me stop and think. This is the picture I had seen once. This is going nowhere, isn't it?  Like a rat in a wheel. 

記録をつけていることで自分の成長が分かり、同じ5.9や5.10Aをオンサイトしていても、やっていることの質が全く違うなぁと思う。

Yet,  I see my own progress, since I have my own climbing records... now I realize I am no more beginner and I have grown already as an intermediate and independent climber.

What a bizarre, that a time can do?  I was just a woman who started to go to mountains just for hiking in 2009. Not knowing where my fate bring me to... I stared to climb in 2014, to proceed my mountaineering, and this is really an amazing place to be for a climber who started when I was 42. 

The climbing has given me much more than I asked for. 

初級時代は終わり、中級者になった。

■　このまま私はクライミングを続けていくのだろうか？

さて、私はクライミングを続けていくのだろうか？

Am I going to keep climbing? If yes, what way?  

というのは、クライミングが要求してくるもの…が大きすぎると感じて、こころのどこかで、いつが潮時かなぁ…などとと思うのは否めない。犠牲が大きい。

What I am being asked from climbing.. has became bigger and bigger... one thing is your finger... so many climbers climb forcing their finger to bend forever... as if a ballet dancer put up with ugly feet.  But this sacrifice is taken for granted in the industry and no body pays attention, or people even think it is the honorable scar. 

I know it is NOT. My neck, back, right knees,  have a deficiency as a result of 20 years of ballet practicing. Ofcourse I had taken so much pleasure from ballet dancing but this side effect could have been avoided with a proper technique and teaching of it. I was unlucky that I could not get the proper education in ballet but that is 99% of Japanese ballet lovers. I was very naive to believe in what my teacher had followed was the right pass for everyone, including myself.   

so I have already learned my lesson in a hard way.  Health is not what you should sacrifice. It makes you stronger if you are young and still growing age as a teen, if not, it is just a hold back. 

最初に感じた犠牲は、指だ。指を故障してまで登りたいか？　これはハッキリしている。登りたくない。健康は犠牲にすべき対象ではない。

キャリアは？最初から犠牲にするようなものを持っていない。例え、私のキャリアがないとしたとしても、それはクライミングのせいではあるまい。他に原因が求められる。

家庭は？　

幸福の要素は７つある。そのすべてを犠牲にすることは避けるべきだ。痛みの回避にしばらく時間を使わなくてはならないだろう。

There are 7 factors, in human happiness, wealth, health, love, career, friends, entertaining, spiritual growth, etc... none of them should be sacrificed or it may backfire to ones happiness. I actually have a sad feeling on ballet. 

I have to invest my time on eliminating the minus effect for a while.

■　進むべき道に見える北斗七星  

こうした中、身に余る幸運に恵まれ中だ。いわば、道先案内となる北斗七星だ。

その幸運をいかに生かすか？で思案中。

年納めのクライミングは、かなり楽しかった。

これはクライミングが人生を豊かにしている、という証明だろう。私はクライミングにおいて、人との出会いを明らかに楽しんでいると思う。新たな出会いが、新たな山につながっていく妙味を楽しんでいるのだ。したがって、登攀グレードを上げたり、大きな山をして敬意を得るという活動とは本質が異なる活動だ。愛で紡ぐ山と呼んでいる。

My last climbing in 2018 was so much fun and that was a good news to me. It was easy III grade multi pitches in Hyugami, and that was easy going climbing.  

"Take it easy" is my go.

Seeing accidents and a lack of safety mind in Japanese climbing community, my sensitiveness to the risk was leveled up and alarmed to the level of red right.  

The bolts in this multi pitches was so bad, it rotten and rusty but I need not to care since I climbed without using them. I had fun. How ever, on rappel, my climbing mates used a tree trunk rather than bolts.

■　2019

さて、2019年だが、クライミングを楽しめていない最大の要因…犠牲…を取り除くことを課題としようと思う。

In 2019, I will work on getting a proper jobs. My journey in climbing has given me so much happiness and meeting with people was blessings.

Interesting but not safe bolt in multi pitches I recently climbed

■　まとめ

2016年のまとめ